


Empty From The Start

by ItsAHopeForAllTheHopeless



Category: The Americans (TV 2013)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Character Study, Childhood, Coming of Age, Dark, Drama, Family, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Russia, Siblings, Spies, The Infamous Milk Run
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9122968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAHopeForAllTheHopeless/pseuds/ItsAHopeForAllTheHopeless
Summary: I hope you saveA picture of me in your pocket when I’m gone awayAnd I will do the same for youTo truly love someone is the closest I have come to truth





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry If Details are of I've only been able to watch seasons 1-3

 

_“You Get Stuck Staring At The Past_

_You Get Stuck Looking At The Future Through A Looking Glass_

_Time Is Gone When Time Was_ _Slow_

_This Time Is All You Have and Now It’s Gone But Now You Know”_

 

* * *

 

**_Tobolsk_ **

 

The clear ringing of the school bell cut through the crisp autumn air, Children filed out of the building in sprawling lines eagerly seeking their freedom.

Nine year old Mirena lingered on the steps searching through the sea of movement for her brother’s faded green wool jacket. She spotted him quickly on the fray of the group, Grinning mischievously Mirena approached her prey.

“Race you to the bridge!” she called gleefully to him. Hearing Mikhail’s footfalls gaining behind her, Mirena pushed forward fearlessly determined to win this time. She could just see the jagged rocks of the ravine ahead lay the bridge.

The railroad bridge was a precarious structure with no railings hovering over what remained of a dried riverbed. It was the only entrance and exit to the city. Everyday Misha and Mirena would cross stepping carefully single file along the narrow catwalk next to the railroad ties. Crossing the bridge was a necessary evil and the school house sat just outside of the city.

 As excitement bubbled up in her chest, Mirena pushed for more speed. Dark curls streaming behind her wildly her fingertips touched the cool steel of the railroad tie, Victory was hers. Mirena looked at her hand in utter shock, She really had won. Seconds later Mikhail appeared by her side. Mirena turned,” Misha!, You let me win!” she accused.

“Did not” Mikhail responded quickly. Mirena scowled and punched his arm, “Yes you did” she growled.

“Don’t you trust me, Lena?” Mikhail said in mock hurt clutching his chest dramatically tumbling to the ground amidst the fallen leaves. Mirena struggled to keep herself composed but failed dissolving into giggles. “Alright, but I want to do a tie breaker tomorrow” she compromised.

* * *

 

They became serious and brushed the stray leaves from their clothing. Mikhail crouched putting his ear to the railroad tracks listening for the telltale vibration of an approaching train. Deeming it satisfactory Mirena and Mikhail intertwined their fingers beginning the trek across the railroad bridge.

The wind howled curling around the pair daring them to make a mistake and fall victim to gravity. It snatched Merina’s treasured purple hat and unthinkingly she let go reaching for the hat.

“LENA” Mikhail screamed as he watched his sister plummet into the depths below. He forced himself to finish the last stretch of the bridge at a normal pace.

Mikhail attempted climbing down the slope of the ravine. But mostly he ended up sliding much of the way down tearing his jacket sleeve on the way. Mikhail’s heart was heavy and he knew nobody could survive a fall from such a high height.

 Merina was laying in an unnatural position one leg bent the other straight with her arms thrown out as if to catch herself from falling. Blood stained the earth and trickled down her neck, Clutched in her left hand was the infamous  purple hat. Mikhail had done grueling tasks for a local shopkeeper for months to buy the hat for Mirena as a rare birthday present, It was her most treasured possession.

With no emotion Mikhail gently picked up his little sister’s body and struggled up the bank. He carried her home through the streets, taking time to stop at all her favorite places. While the disinterested passersby paid him no mind not even noticing that the little girl in his arms was dead.

Dusk was falling when Mikhail returned to the crumbling apartment complex that they called home. Their mother was sitting by the window using the fading light to finish her never ending seamstress work. Numbly he laid Mirena in his mother’s arms and laid face down on the mattress attempting to block out the wailing.

 The next day Mirena was laid to rest in the cold ground next to their father. Neighbors came by the hordes offering condolences to the inconsolable woman and her silent son. While his mother mourned for Merina, Misha found that he couldn’t he felt too empty inside.

Merina had been his only friend, they’d only been 18 months apart in age and shared an uncanny connection. The neighbors had whispered that it was unnatural for siblings to be so codependent.

* * *

 

As the emptiness faded, rage replaced it perhaps that’s why several months later he kills the boy. Getting milk across the city is a task within itself made more difficult without Merina there to run interference anymore. Mikhail has had enough of the milk being stolen from his grasp and the shame of returning home empty handed.

On the next milk run he dodges the two gang members trailing behind. Doubling back he lets them catch a glimpse of his jacket. Taking the bait the pair follow him stupidly into the alley unaware of their grave mistake.

He lunged forward slamming the pipe into the brunette's stomach sending him to the ground gasping for air. Rage clouds his vision as he attacks the blonde, when the haze clears the blonde is lying motionless and the brunette is cowering against the bricks terror in his eyes.

A strange new feeling of power fills Mikhail's bones as he realizes the brunette is a afraid of him…Him! He’s not the weak scrappy kid anymore!.

“Tell Valentin, No More” He instructs the remaining boy. The brunette doesn’t have to be told twice and runs back to his leader checking over his shoulder. Mikhail laughs bitterly and returns his attention to the blonde boy, blood is trickling down his neck just like Merina. The blood has seeped into the snow staining it a deep crimson almost black. Mikhail notes that blood on snow looks very different from the soft earth.

 He washes his hands under a downspout and returns home head held high, milk bottle firmly in his grasp.

* * *

 

_“Anyone Who Tells You They Were Born Good Are Lying_

_We’re Just Born And We Are Dying ”_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Name Meanings  
> Mikhail, Russian: God-Like, Hebrew/English: Gift From God
> 
> Misha/Mischa/Mishka, Russian: Nickname for Mikhail/Michael
> 
> Merina, Russian: Posses Strength, Latin/English: Of The Sea
> 
> Lena/Elena, Russian: Nickname for Meriana, Milenia
> 
> Song Lyrics  
> Empty From The Start By Noah Gundersen Copywright 2015 Carry The Ghost Album


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